My mom is on the mend. She has been at the mercy of me, the physical therapist, and Oprah for over a month now, so she is probably more than happy to be getting closer to recovery. Her doctor tells her that it won’t be many more weeks before she is putting her full weight on her foot.
In the meantime, Timeworn-Techie has been very productive. She has read several great books (she highly recommends The Thirteenth Tale, a novel by Diane Setterfield to other invalids, and heck, readers in general). She has also done some writing. She is currently working on a book about aging – – something she knows nothing about personally, of course, but has empathy for. And… she has been taking phone calls. Lots and lots of phone calls. Not sure what it is about being down that makes people call you. A captive audience, perhaps? I guess they know you aren’t able to use that age-old excuse of “wish I could talk but I’ve gotta go (fill in blank here)”. When you’re incapacitated, people know you don’t “gotta go anywhere”. You are there for their listening pleasure. Period.
So T-T has caught up on the life and times of family, friends, acquaintances, and many folks she probably thought were already dead. Surprise! They weren’t dead – – just waiting until she couldn’t avoid them any longer. One such distant acquaintance called her the other day. He is a distant cousin once or twice removed, and she has only met him a couple of times, but he felt the strong need to call and check on her and tell her about this amazing opportunity she just shouldn’t pass up.
It seems that Cuz-Techie (it seems to run in even the most distant of genes) had gotten involved in this wonderful online travel booking program. Better than Expedia, easier than Travelocity, able to leap small buildings in a single mouse click. A monkey could use it, he claimed. And your reserved room would always, always have clean sheets. (Thank God, because the last hotel I went to had excrement and vomit smeared down both sides. I could hardly sleep.) This “Perfect Selection Travel” program had let him sign on as an agent, and all he had to do was build a team of agents and representatives under him, then he could sit back and rake in scads of money and bonuses. In fact, the money was rolling in by the boatloads, he said, and sitting on her arse as she was, he knew that T-T would not want to miss out on this ultimate opportunity.
Sound familiar? Yep, the pyramid scheme has gone high-tech. Oh, sorry. They don’t call them pyramids, anymore. It is a “Matrix” strategy. Forget selling dietary supplements and cosmetics to your fellow employees at work, this is SO much better. This is something people REALLY need. Everyone needs to travel, right? And everyone has tons of vague relationships with people they don’t mind pissing off by asking them to join their “team of travel agents.” So what’s to lose? What could go wrong?
Well here’s the funny part. (And Cuz-Techie will miss the irony here), but T-T still calls me to her house to change the clock on her computer, and to find out why she can’t hear her the sounds that tells her she has email anymore (she accidentally hit the mute button with her elbow). T-T doesn’t know her hard drive from her modem, and she has been on DSL for over a year now, and is still overcome with awe that people can call her while she is on the computer. “How does the phone line know to split in two like that??”
This is the woman that would be an online travel representative…working her magical world wide web powers to refer people to this wonderful program, and of course to build her own team of representatives under her, so she too could rake in the boatloads of cold hard cash and prizes. I can’t blame the guy for trying. T-T is in a highly vulnerable position for pyramid schemes, telemarketers, and long lost relatives at the moment. Thank goodness she is a highly educated woman that is way too smart to fall for such a blatant ruse… Darn! There’s the phone.
“Hello? Mom? What do you mean you have a wonderful opportunity for me….”