Warmed Over Wednesday

Ok – so the height of business + laziness = a repost…but that is what it has come to.  So I present to you one of my early faves from when poor Uber had some seriously hard luck.  Enjoy!

The Southpaw Shuffle:

Imagine the worst possible scenario for your family.  Your house floods, your dog dies, or perhaps your next door neighbor starts up a zydeco band.  For our family, true tragedy struck just a week ago in the form of my 13-yr-old son, Uber-Techie, breaking his arm. 

Now if Uber-Techie had just stayed put in his butt-worn computer chair, none of this would have come to pass, but you could make a case that the whole incident was my fault.  I made the foolish suggestion that Uber-Techie and his 11-yr-old brother, Hyper-Techie, go outside for their weekly supply of fresh air and enjoy the newly fallen snow. 

The story gets a little fuzzy at that point, because they hadn’t been outside long when H-T came dashing back inside saying something about them trying to build a snowman (how 20th century and quaint), and U-T had somehow slipped, and could I come quick.  I’ll admit, I was picturing U-T hidden behind the deck post ready to ping me with a rock-hard ball of ice, but mothering instincts kicked in, and I thought I’d better check just in case.  Sticking my head just outside the door enough to watch for incoming frost pellets, I saw U-T. On the ground.  Moaning and holding his arm.  What kind of mother was I, anyway?

Well, three hours, two Xanax, and $1,700 later, poor Uber was stuck on the couch, his arm in a cast, and his spirit crushed. You see, life was now essentially over for U-T.  The arm that he had broken was his right one – – his mouse-scrolling arm, his Wii-remote-controlling arm, his texting arm, and….God help us…his wiping arm.

“If you had just let me finish my level on Final Fantasy, none of this would have happened,” U-T lamented.  My head drooped. What kind of mother did this kind of thing to her thirteen-yr-old son?  Sent him outside in the god-forsaken cold, unsupervised, to build a man out of freakin’ frozen precipitation when he could have been safely tucked in his room chatting with strange 37-yr-old men on the net and drinking cocoa.  I pray no one calls social services….

I know what to do! Passing the buck always makes me feel better.  It could have toilet-paper2been those stupid tennis shoes uber picked out last month.  I told him he should have gone with the cute blue and white high-tops with TREAD on the bottom, but did he listen?  Of course not.  And now look where it got him…..whew.  Guilt relieved.  I’m feeling totally better now.  Oh God, I just heard him call me from the bathroom. 

WHY did it have to be his right arm??!!  This is going to be a long six weeks.


5 Responses

  1. ROFLOL!! I think I would explain to him that his left arm will do the job, it will just be a bit awkward. He’s a big boy.

    And it was probably the tennis shoes. 😀

  2. Oh, I hope he feels better soon. We are in the same boat. Got caught in a windstorm on the way home from vacation and ended up getting the MH & trailer towed for almost $3K! Got it back from the shop yesterday, another $1,500 and they crashed the coach to boot! We aren’t even close to being done with repair expenses and then my printer (an absolute homeschooling necessity) jammed this morning so I’ve been fixing it. Fun!

  3. could be worse, my fiances brother, 12, just broke BOTH arms! It’s going to be a long 8 weeks indeed…

  4. Great writing Topsy! I was hooked immediately and laughed my way through!!

  5. Please note that this is a repost and my right arm is actually better, even though I am always scared these days, with all the typing I do, which one is going to snap firs, my keyboard or my typing hand.

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