Have you ever felt trapped in a particular situation in your life? Trapped by circumstances beyond your control? Control-freak that I am, I’ll admit that doesn’t happen to me much, but once in a while, I wake up and realize my back is against the wall, and there isn’t a single crappin’ thing I can do about it.
I’m in one of those situations right now with our house. Our beloved 94-year-old house. The house that we bought because it was in the city, which we love, and had a big fenced in yard, which we love. But it is also the house that is beginning to fall down around us, and which we have no money to repair.
So what do YOU do when you are trapped? Do you drink? Do you curse? Do you pray? I guess I do a little of each. But of course, then I am still trapped.
So I take it out on the people I love. Like I did today on poor Resistant-Techie. He had been gone on one of his hikes in the mountains this afternoon, which gave me time to enjoy the sunshine out in the backyard.
Enjoying the sunshine in the backyard, though, means walking through the sun porch which is basically slanting downward from settling, over the deck, which has actual boards that have come loose from their moorings and are waving hello in the air, down the steps which are like a splinter factory, past the basement door which has nearly rotted in.
By the time I got to my favorite chair in the backyard I couldn’t enjoy one single minute of the gorgeous weather; I just sat their stewing in my own juices until R-T got home and I could finally boil over.
R-T, (who, by the way, had nearly been knocked unconscious on his hike by a wayward laurel limb) came in dazed and totally unprepared for my graphic comparison of our home of ten years to the cells at Guantanamo.
But that’s what I do when I feel trapped. I react a bit like a wolf caught in a steel vice. I growl. And flail around. And nearly gnaw my own leg off in the process. It isn’t pretty.
But then R-T brings me a dark chocolate truffle left over from my birthday festivities, and for a few minutes I can ignore the chain around my neck and just chill. At least until I throw away the wrapper and see the crack underneath the window sill.