What do King Crabs and High Fashion High Schoolers Have in Common?

They are both – – strangely – – my television addictions of the summer. 

I’ve always had eclectic tastes in music, movies, and television, but this summer’s crop of Netflix rentals has even me asking: “What the…”

I’m a cynic.  I hate starting a show and getting involved with the characters and plots only to have a network yank the show from the air.  So I wait.

Wait to make sure the show lasts at least one season.  Wait to see if fans are as excited at the end of a season as they were at the beginning.  And summer is my time to catch up on things that have passed muster.

So this summer my two new obsessions are Deadliest Catch and Gossip Girl.  They both seem from first appearance to be shows I wouldn’t be caught dead watching.  DC is a reality show, after all, and as a rule I DETEST reality shows.  But there is just something about that dead bait and those yellow vinyl jumpsuits that just “hooks me” right in, and I can watch any and all episodes of those stinky, swearing sailors and their pots of crab. 

And Gossip Girl is basically just another teen soap opera.  Isn’t it???  Well, maybe not.  First of all, like most teen shows these days, most of the actors look like they haven’t seen their teens since Bill Clinton was in office.  And I hope to God no real teenagers manipulate, gyrate, and copulate like these do, and that even less of them have that much money to waste at their disposal.  But even with all of this, these over-sexed brats have made me care.  How, HOW did they do it??  I don’t know, but until then, my DVD player will just have to take cold showers between episodes.

So what are your summer can’t miss shows?  Anything else I should add to my Netflix queue?  Just remember, to make me fall for it, it has to be “out there.” Maybe some kind of cooking show/horror movie mashup?  Heck, obviously I’m game for anything this summer!

 

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Summer TV – – It’s All About The Timing

They say that what people lack in brains, they can make up for in good timing. I’m feeling pretty darn compensated right now, as I look over the summer TV schedule, and feel not one twinge of remorse for dropping our satellite subscription at the end of May.

I think I have mentioned before that I am a true enemy of just about every reality show on the planet – – with the denise richards exception of American Idol (ever since I saw that promo by President and Mrs. Bush, and figured if AI was a big enough deal to take our country’s leader away from wars and the like on Tuesday nights, then I’d better get on the bandwagon). And the summer TV schedule seems jam-packed with reality fare. Admittedly, I’m writing without personal knowledge or experience about shows with titles such as: The Mole, Denise Richards: It’s Complicated, and Celebrity Circus.

So, perhaps you can set me straight in the comments section if you have found one of these to be actually Emmy-worthy, or at least not conducive to mocking. But I am feeling rather like whoever was dating Tom Cruise pre-Katie Holmes…WHEW!!! Did I get out of THAT just in time!!!

Keep in mind, though, that a lack of subscription television hasn’t kept me completely out of the broadcast loop. Already this summer, I have caught up with the first season of Big Love, and Friday Night Lights, and I’m working on the second. I’ve fallen hard for those pigskin-lovin’ freaks in Dillon, TX. I’m even keeping up with my one summer guilty pleasure…the sports-themed sitcom “My Boys” on TBS. Thankfully, the good folks at Turner are kind enough to supply the full eps on their website…allowing me to enjoy the poor acting and silly plot lines for no money down.

The only downside I have discovered so far to watching episodes online is the repetition of the commercials. NBC’s video site, for instance, insists on playing the same exact commericial – – twice – – during every break. By the end of the show I have not only memorized the script, but have started to say the lines along with the actors. Unfortunately for the advertisers, I have also usually vowed never to buy the featured product because by the time you’ve said, “Bertolli, the restaurant experience you experience at home” for the eighth time in your head, it just becomes annoying. But other than having to have the Nissan theme song professionally hypnotized from my brain, I’m thinking this is pretty smooth sailing so far…at least until fall premiere season. And have you heard??? NBC is planning on streaming coverage for the entire season of the 2008 Olympics online!!! I am over the moon about that one.

But don’t go hating on me now, just because of my good timing…remember that I am probably compensating for something.

Just how good is it??

Have you seen those Yoplait ads, where the women are sitting around eating their incredibly tasty yogurt, and comparing the experience with the height of everything good they can imagine??  They say things like…”This is not-standing-in-line-at-the-ladies-room good”    or   “dating-a-masseuse good”….you know the ones, right?

I like yogurt fine, but I probably wouldn’t compare it to –say–being put in charge of the chocolate fountain at a wedding reception.  But hey…to each his own.  But even without yogurt, I feel pretty good today.  We are just one day away from the end of the homeschool year, and it has been an incredibly successful year, in my opinion.  Life is good today.  How good you ask?  Well, let me tell you…….

LIFE IS:

  • Seeing-your-oldest-son-finish-his-final-science-project good
  • Cooercing-your-hubby-into-doing-most-of-the-actual-work good
  • Having-the-whole-thing-actually-do-what-it-is-supposed-to good
  • Basking-in-David-Cook’s-Idol-win good
  • Knowing-that-tonight-is-the-two-hour-Grey’s-Anatomy-finale good
  • Hearing-your-youngest-son-express-his-desire-to-work-with-the-Red-Cross-so-he-can-help-people-when-he-grows-up good
  • Going-car-shopping-for-a-less-gas-guzzling-model good
  • Having-your-honey-bring-you-home-a-piece-of-decadent-double-chocolate-cake-just-because good
  • Getting-to-talk-to-your-long-distance-BFF-on-the-phone good
  • Downloading-a-super-cool-CD-for-just-99-cents-because-of-a-price-mistake good
  • Knowing-it-is-Memorial-Day-weekend-and-the-weather-forecast-is-terrific good

Yep, today is a very good day.  Here’s hoping yours is too….

Anyone Seen My Hacky Sack?

I have lately realized that being “Techie” doesn’t necessarily mean being “Fetch” (which, I am told, means ‘with the times’).   In fact, my boys often accuse me of being out of the loop – – even old fashioned – – about some things.  Fashioned, maybe….but old?  Hmph.

I’ll admit that I just don’t get most of what classifies as “reality” programming.  And it’s not because I haven’t tried to understand it.  I watched quietly as the Osbournes let their dogs poo on every surface of their million dollar home, endured a season of watching the wind from Donald Trump’s helicopter blow his coif every way but off, and even sat patiently by as a couple different bachelors made the difficult decision of which drunken harlot to give away his respectability rose to.  My final impressions?  I much prefer the harsh surrealism of screenwritten drama to the “real” exhibitionism of TV reality.  Outdated?  Check.

I also have antiquated emails.  I don’t mean that I have my inbox stuffed with notes from 1999, I mean I write my emails the way Mrs. Manners would.  My kids get so embarrassed when their friends catch sight of something I’ve sent them via email.  I mean the humiliation of having a mom who still uses capitalization and punctuation is fairly mortifying.  I even have been known to use complete sentences when I write (but please keep that between us – – my boys have reputations to maintain). Once in a long while, just to get their goat, I’ll even throw in a “Sincerely” or a “Respectfully Yours” in an email just for fun.  Archaic?  Check.

Our household doesn’t have one single HD-compatible item in it. Believe it or not, I’ve never once viewed an HD-DVD.  I’m not sure why I missed that boat, except that maybe I never saw enough late night infomercials about the technology to really be convinced.  Anyway, it looks like my old-fashioned ways might have paid off this time.  Did you see the news story about how HD-DVD’s are being phased out?  Yep…it seems that Blu Ray is sending HD-DVD the way of Beta and Ruben Studdard.  Walmart, Netflix, and Blockbuster are all going to be dropping their HD-DVD’s to make room for more Blu Ray discs.  Behind the times?  You bet your fanny pack! Check!

Gotta admit… I’m feeling a little vindicated in my non-fetchiness at the moment.  All those high-tech mommas who plunked down a few hundred dollars for the most state-of-the-art HD DVD players last year, are feeling a wee bit silly right now aren’t they?  Not Topsy.  Nope, I’m feeling pretty triumphant sitting here listening to my boom box and playing with my Furby.  No one will be calling ME old fashioned anymore, now will they??

I can’t be completely alone out here in the land of the obsolete. What about you….what do you still own or do that makes people think you might not be completely “fetch”? Share in the comments section below…