Streaming Video Slugs

So you may or may not have heard of Hulu, but if you haven’t, please feel free to come over and have H-T give you a masters course.  Hulu takes the available online television and movie content and puts in all in one easy-to-veg-out-for-eternity location.  And H-T is pretty certain it was created with him in mind.  Besides having lots of Simpsons episodes (his current guilty pleasure), Hulu has let him discover “quality” programming he never even knew existed.  Where else could he have found old episodes of the A-Team, The Incredible Hulk, and Battlestar Galactica, and chanced upon classic movies like Planet of the Apes and The People That Time Forgot – – all in one place??  They can’t call you a couch potato if you are actually in a computer chair, can they?  So what is the new term for people glued to their internet on-demand programming??  Streaming Video Slugs??

H-T has lost all interest in our satellite television programming.  I mean who has the patience to wait for a show until some big-wig at a television studio in Anaheim decides to air it according to his whim?  Not H-T.  He wants customized programming on his schedule.  In other words, what he wants, when he wants it.  (I blame all those Beverly Hills 90210 reruns I watched while I was pregnant with him, and on bed rest.  I knew those narcissistic snots where no good for such impressionable fetal ears!)

When I was his age I had this little 13″ black and white set in my room, and I actually had to get up from the bed and turn a knob each time I wanted to change channels.  And at that time, we only got 3 – – plus PBS if I stretched the rabbit ears all the way out and wrapped aluminum foil on both ends (But who wants to go to all that trouble for another Benny Hill episode??!!)  H-T gets visibly shaken when I describe the barbaric scenarios of TV watching in the Pre-Cambrian era of my youth.

I’ve tried to explain to H-T that there are a few downsides of this new era of entertainment on demand. He will never ever know the sense of accomplishment that comes from peeing, pouring yourself a Dr. Pepper, feeding the cat, and finishing off a crossword puzzle all before the end of a commercial break.  He will miss out on that giddy butterfly feeling that comes over your stomach when you know that thisis the night you will finally find out whether Luke accepted Lorelai’s proposal.

Yep, H-T and his generation will never know some of the joys of doing TV “old style.”  What if everyone could have known who shot J.R. just by heading to the computer and clicking a mouse?  Would it have had the same “oomph?”  I just don’t think so. But what do I know….I’m just a couch potato.

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Say Cheese, Sasquatch

You remember those days when your kids were babies or toddlers, and you felt like you were packing for trip to Fiji just to head to the grocery store?  After you had carried all the assorted bags, extra clothes, camcorder, toys to the car and gotten Jr. safely tucked in the car seat, you still had to make three more trips back to the house for things you had forgotten (keys, purse, your brain).  Glad those days are long behind you?  Yeah?  Don’t rub it in. 

As we headed out for church yesterday morning, I realized that my family has never quite let go of the toddler stage.  Each of us was weighed down with enough stuff to open our own Walmart and still make a killing on Ebay with the leftovers. We tend to pack for every outing as if we might not be back home until Paula Abdul says something that makes sense.   I’m afraid we may have an undiagnosed doomsday complex, because we seem to pack for all the “just in cases” of life. 

Uber and H-T never go in the car without their Nintendo DS, their game pack, their car charger AND standard charger.  If they happen to be in the car, at a crucial point in their game, and the little red “low power” light comes on?  No problem.  If they are at a friend’s house, and are deep in a Wi-Fi battle when the warning signal lights blinks?  Not an issue.  I haven’t yet warned them of those few places on earth, usually over 200 feet away from buildings and automobiles, that are not wired for any type of charger.  They have enough to worry about with global warming and the future of social security.  Why send them into panic mode? 

I usually have about four armfuls of stuff when I head out into the great unknown.  But experience has shown me that they are all absolute necessities. 

  • Cell phone, car charger, standard charger (duh – did you think the boys came up with their obsessions obigfootn their own??)
  • Camera – – because if I really see Bigfoot, I don’t want no grainy, half-ass cell phone pic – – I want a CNN-worthy ,$25,000 close-up. 
  • Two coats, a change of clothes, a blanket, gatorade and some beef jerky – – hey, I’ve watched Oprah…if you get stranded in a snowstorm in your car, this will keep you alive (as long as I remember my cell phone charger)
  • A book – – I’ve been stuck in many waiting rooms with magazines old enough to feature Jennifer Aniston’s haircut on Friends as “the next big thing”
  • Plastic grocery bags – – this trend started after an unfortunate car trip following a delicious dinner of undercooked shrimp and blueberry pie. My upholstery used to be tan.  It’s a lovely pukeish-blue-taupe now.
  • Pillows – – ok, so I’m old.  Riding in the car makes my back hurt.  Plus, they will come in handy in the snowstorm.
  • Water bottle – – again, I’m old.  2 quarts a day is supposed to help keep the wrinkles away. 
  • Portable DVD player and my Gilmore Girls DVDs- – if traffic comes to a standstill, I know that Lorelei, Rory, Richard, and Emily will talk me through it
  • Makeup bag – – because you never know when you might need a quick touch-up… like say…when CNN gets wind of my Bigfoot biopic…

Now R-T is not a “watch the sky for falling airplanes” type of man, so he generally makes it to the car with just himself and his dignity.  We’ve warned him numerous times to grab an extra pair of boots, maybe a weather radio, or even a set of jumper cables.  He’ll be sorry he didn’t listen.  When we get trapped in that snowstorm, and the boys and I run down the car battery with our various chargers, who do you think it is that’s gonna have to tromp through the snow in his tennis shoes to find Bigfoot and see if he is willing to give us a jump??

R-T Brings Home The DSL AND Fries It Up In A Pan

Up to now, Resistant-Techie hasn’t gotten much love in my blog – – and for good reason.  He simply doesn’t fit well with my blog theme.  What do you do in a Techie blog with a person who can actually do without technology?? I considered telling him to hit the road, but then who would let the rest of us know what is going on in the real world, while we are plugged into our virtual reality?  Nope, our family just can’t do without our R-T.  He provides some VERY necessary functions in our household.

  1. Paying for our technotronics.  R-T takes the time from his books and studies to actually head out into the scary world and make some money for the Techies to be able to afford the blessings we try not to take for granted – – DSL service, DirecTV Satellite, Tivo subscription, video game consoles, and of course all the food it takes to provide energy for us to operate each of the above items.
  2. Humor.  R-T has a tremendous sense of humor, which he uses to our great benefit whenever we get grumpy because one of our computers is frozen or the battery is dead on our Nintendo DS or the Weatherbug promised that it would be good weather and now there are so many clouds that the satellite won’t pick up the rerun of Gilmore Girls that I really wanted to see.  No matter how dire the situation, R-T has a “monkey testicles” joke to lighten the mood (if you haven’t heard that one…I apologize…it gets us every time!)
  3. Spirituality.  R-T is going for Holy Orders in the Episcopal Church, and is currently a Deacon In Training.  This means that aside from his full time job, he also has the difficult task of weekly classes and homework in order to complete his postulancy and officially become a deacon.  This task, however difficult it may sound, pales in comparison to his job as spiritual leader of a bunch of tech-heathens who are perfectly happy to commune with God, as long as He has Instant Messaging. 
  4. Companionship.  R-T is the best friend, confidant, playmate, roomie, and lover a girl could ever have.  I lucked out to have married not only a good husband, and a good father, but also a good person.  Feeling jealous yet?
  5. Taking out the Trash – – ‘nuff said.  What a saint!

So maybe he isn’t the techiest man on the block, but we’ve decided to keep him around anyway.  If we ever have a widespread power outage around here…SOMEBODY has got to be in charge of handing out the Anti-Depressants.  I love you, R-T…thanks for keeping things Tip-Top in our Topsy-Techie world!