Drunk With Vista Power

My dear hubby will tell you that he doesn’t get all that much say-so in his life.  At this stage of his life cycle, he is rather on the low end of the power totem-pole.  Somewhat tied into the demands of family life, church life, and running a homeless shelter, his days and hours are pretty much mapped out for him.  Get up, go to work, come home, do family things, write a blog, go to bed, and start all over again.  Even his weekend “down time” is usually filled with diaconate classes, yard work, his teaching and serving duties at our church, and often speaking at other churches.  There just isn’t a lot of wiggle room for R-T to pick and choose what he would like to do or not to do these days.

Until now.  From the first boot-up of his shiny new Windows Vista computer, R-T knew that something was afoot.  The first thing that popped up on the screen was a question – – aimed directly at the computer’s new owner….”Would you like to register your new computer?”  Wow…a choice!  Would he like to or wouldn’t he?  Being unused to such preferences, he had to think about it awhile.  Yes.  Yes he would like to register.

And the options didn’t stop there.  In a matter of only about ten minutes, R-T got to pick his screen resolution, his background, a screen saver, and even a virus protection plan. I could swear the normal slump in his posture became noticeably straighter. 

Before long, R-T realized that Vista was a system that didn’t do anything without asking first.  Every time he opened a new program, an unfamiliar website, or tried to complete a download, he would get a pop-up screen which said, “Windows needs your permission to continue.”  What???  Someone was asking him for PERMISSION before they do something??  I brought R-T a cold glass of water, noticing he looked pale and faint.

This is a man who struggles to get his rescue mission staff members to even call him before they leave work early or don’t come in at all.  A father of two adolescent know-it-alls who think it is fine to head down to the neighbor’s house without informing him of their whereabouts.  A husband of a wife who remembers to tell him she is taking her church youth group to the movies as the movie is about to begin.  R-T just doesn’t always get the respect and deference he needs or deserves.  Until now.

Microsoft is really missing their advertising boat.  You remember that guy from the Viagra commercials who was suddenly all confidence and smiles because of his new prescription?  Microsoft needs to snatch up that idea and run with it!    My hubby would make a terrific commercial…he would walk into the rescue mission, shoulders back, chest forward, a new spring in his step, and everyone from his staff to his host of volunteers would be trying to figure out what is different about him.  New haircut?  No.  Measurable weight loss?  No.  So what is it about their Operations Director that makes him look so confident…so in charge…so virile?? 

“Sir,” says the mission cook to R-T outside his office, “I think we have a mouse problem.  I’d like to set up some traps in the walk-in, and around the kitchen area.”

R-T looks at him for a moment, and rubs his chin thoughtfully.  “You have my permission to continue.”

Who needs Viagra when you have Vista?

 
Think maybe all these people use Viagra Vista?

I Hear Welding Pays Decently, Kids

My loyal readers know I am big on confessions…so I have another one to make.  When I saw the video below, I seriously started wondering just how badly our boys need that college fund of theirs.  I know I should feel guilty for even having the thought flit across my little techie brain – – but flit it did – – more than once.  This thing just gives me goose bumps.  Literal goose bumps.  And to my credit, when I picture myself with one of these babies, I am always using it for good and not evil. 

You think the money I save driving my Th!nk-mobile might pony up enough cash for my new tabletop love affair ? ?  If not, then I’m afraid the boys are just gonna have to pick a trade. 

Robbing DirecTV to Pay Microsoft

No one has ever put me in charge of anything financially important.  The US Treasury has never called on me.  My tax preparation software always asks me to double check my facts.  I even lost the 7th grade student council election for treasurer.  That has always ticked me off.  The girl who won got ‘C’s on her math quizzes.  I know because I sat behind her and always had to switch papers with her.  But C-girl was put in charge of our entire class treasury – – the whole 42 bucks!  So what is it about me that screams “financially irresponsible”??

Well, here’s one thing.  As you know, I recently decided to trim our financial waistline by cutting out our monthly satellite TV subscription.  That will be a helpful addition of $75 to our monthly budget.  Sounds pretty financially responsible so far, doesn’t it?  Keep reading.

We’ve been having computeritis in our household.  That is a degenerative condition caused by too many people, and too few computers. Fortunately, it is a disease only rampant in affluent societies such as ours.  Third world countries have to deal with slightly less distressing illnesses, such as malaria and cholera.  But in our house, computeritis is going around like crazy.  The worst symptom of the illness seems to be uncontrolled computer pouncing.  Somebody working on his blog needs to pee?  Someone else will be in his computer chair before he even gets his fly unzipped.  And God help anyone who leaves the computer to check the mail.  Probably won’t see the sight of that screen again for two hours! 

The person who gets the worst case of the malady? Poor Resistant-Techie.  I think everyone figures that he is too technologically challenged to deserve more than a few minutes at a time at the computer.  But R-T is getting quite frustrated at constantly losing the musical computer chair game.  His blog is burgeoning, he is a master I-Tunes downloader now, and his surfing skills are way beyond average these days.  Plus, his birthday and Father’s Day are just around the corner, and I usually like to make sure he understands how appreciated he is this time of year.

So…I bought him a computer.  His very own super-deluxe, easy-to-operate, resistant-techie-friendly computer.  I saw in the sales flyer, I went to see it in the store, and I bought it.  And not one person who helped me locate it, load it in my cart, or check it out for me asked me if I could actually afford it.  I took that to mean that I was getting quite a bargain.  My credit card went through just fine – – another good sign.  The store was even on the way to where I needed to drop my son off for an appointment, so I was even saving gas!  And I would definitely get the new computer desk he now needed from the local thrift store, instead of one of those high dollar department stores.

So whether or not that beautiful new piece of hardware sitting in the bedroom far outweighs the yearly savings we will get from our dropped satellite subscription, it is all good right?  Hubby is happy.  I am happy.  The computer manufacturer and the retail store are really happy.  And C-girl?  Well, she is probably sitting in her stylishly decorated Manhattan penthouse, that she scrimped and saved and lived financially responsibly for.  But is she as happy as I am knowing that my wonderful, hardworking, incredibly selfless hubby never has to worry about getting up from the computer to get a Diet Coke ever again?  I seriously doubt it. 

You Try To Raise Them Right…

Uber looked over at me from his side of the bench.  “I feel kind of guilty.”  We were enjoying a few minutes of down time this morning in a picture-perfect courtyard outside a picture-perfect 19th century Episcopal cathedral.  There were cobblestone pathways below us and ancient oaks overhead.  The wind was stirring just enough breeze to remind you there was a touch of spring still in the air.  From our vantage point on the courtyard bench, it could have just as easily been a Saturday morning in 1890 as one today.  Except for the two of us.  Uber had his head buried in his Nintendo DS, and I was busily typing away on my portable keyboard.  

I looked up long enough from my work to see that hangdog look on his face, and I sighed.  Guilt is so annoyingly contagious.  “I suppose you think we should be sitting here enjoying the peace and tranquility, huh?” I asked him. 

“Well, doesn’t it just seem wrong to be looking down at our screens, when there is all this around us?”  Uber replied.

It’s my own fault.  I had the outlandish notion to raise my children with respect for creation, and acknowledgement of beauty.   I wanted them to literally learn to stop and smell the flowers, and even stare at them long enough to see the miraculous composition that went into each one.  I hoped they would rise above the materialistic, and learn to appreciate the abundance of natural treasure that freely surrounds us daily.  And I prayed they would never take any of these wonders for granted.

And wouldn’t you know, just as I was in the middle of writing an important paragraph, all that would come back to bite me in the butt.  Hmph….kids.

                                                                 

Just how good is it??

Have you seen those Yoplait ads, where the women are sitting around eating their incredibly tasty yogurt, and comparing the experience with the height of everything good they can imagine??  They say things like…”This is not-standing-in-line-at-the-ladies-room good”    or   “dating-a-masseuse good”….you know the ones, right?

I like yogurt fine, but I probably wouldn’t compare it to –say–being put in charge of the chocolate fountain at a wedding reception.  But hey…to each his own.  But even without yogurt, I feel pretty good today.  We are just one day away from the end of the homeschool year, and it has been an incredibly successful year, in my opinion.  Life is good today.  How good you ask?  Well, let me tell you…….

LIFE IS:

• Seeing-your-oldest-son-finish-his-final-science-project good
• Cooercing-your-hubby-into-doing-most-of-the-actual-work good
• Having-the-whole-thing-actually-do-what-it-is-supposed-to good
• Basking-in-David-Cook’s-Idol-win good
• Knowing-that-tonight-is-the-two-hour-Grey’s-Anatomy-finale good
• Hearing-your-youngest-son-express-his-desire-to-work-with-the-Red-Cross-so-he-can-help-people-when-he-grows-up good
• Going-car-shopping-for-a-less-gas-guzzling-model good
• Having-your-honey-bring-you-home-a-piece-of-decadent-double-chocolate-cake-just-because good
• Getting-to-talk-to-your-long-distance-BFF-on-the-phone good
• Downloading-a-super-cool-CD-for-just-99-cents-because-of-a-price-mistake good
• Knowing-it-is-Memorial-Day-weekend-and-the-weather-forecast-is-terrific good

Yep, today is a very good day.  Here’s hoping yours is too….

And A Little Child Shall Lead Them…

Well, H-T would shoot daggers out his eyes at me if I actually referred to him as “little child,” but we’ll go with it for the sake of the reference.  He is safely back home, by the way, and had an incredibly cool time swimming with manatees and riding in speed boats and pulling up nets full of marine stuff to examine, and scuba diving in the crystal clear springs of Florida’s gulf coast.  He is stoked about all things marine-oriented at the moment! I will be sure to share some pics when his group sends them along…

Anyway, while H-T was gone, I had some time to think. (Who knew that having two children in the house was the sole reason my brain had been operating on 50% power for the last 12 years??)  I’ve been pondering different ways to trim our family budget.  The current inflation inflammation has hit our family hard.  We’ve never been very materialistic, and we’ve known that my hubby’s job as director of a homeless shelter was never going to get us on the Fortune 500 list, so we’ve always had to cut corners and bargain hunt.  But somehow, with gas and grocery prices skyrocketing, even our normal skimping isn’t quite cutting it.  So this weekend I took a long hard look at our income vs. expenses and tried to draw an even tighter line between needs and wants.

 We refuse to tighten our belts on certain things.  Our internet service, for example, is right up there with air and municipal water.  (And gee, I could dig my own well, if things got desperate).  My 6-week hair coloring is a no-brainer, too.  I’ve got enough premature gray along my temples to make hair plugs for Anderson Cooper, and I am a firm believer in the old adage “no wine before its time.”  I also refuse to cut back on extracurriculars for the boys.  (After all, I look at any hours they spend out of their computer chairs as an investment in chiropractic prevention!)  So what can we cut from the budget, then?

Then it suddenly came to me!  Why hadn’t I seen it before??  H-T had been leading me toward it, but I had been oblivious…till now.  H-T’s recent Hulu addiction should have opened my eyes to it, but I had completely ignored the signs.  Our satellite television subscription has become redundant.  We currently pay $75 per month for DirecTV service + Tivo, and for what??  So I can catch up with the Regis and Kelly host chat at lunch time?  And catch Grey’s and Lost on Thursday nights?  Surely that is not worth 75 big ones !? 

It started to occur to me that just about everything I watch on television is now available on the web…

• Masterpiece Theatre
• Medium
• Private Practice
• and yes, my beloved Grey’s and Lost and the R&K daily host chat!

Even reruns of my all-time faves like Gilmore Girls and Everwood will soon be available on the new streaming WB site.  The only big item missing from my DirecTV playbook will be my hubby’s Law and Order eps.  So far, I can’t find anywhere to view these online (but maybe in the near future?)  We’ve talked it over with the boys, and they seem game to go back to basic broadcast television with the good ‘ole rabbit ears.  Granted, they’ve never experienced the boob tube in their lifetime without the benefit of cable or satellite , but now seems like a good time to experience “new” things, right?

By dropping our satellite, I guess the Techie family will be either be trend-setting the future demise of television as we know it, or setting ourselves back a few decades.  Either way, it will be an adventure – – a money-saving adventure.  Stay tuned to see if and when the satellite tv jonesing commences!!

Double the Blogging Means Double The Fun

As some of you know, this blog is the result of a blog writing course I took called “Black Belt Blogging.”  It was an amazing experience, and I met some terrific new bloggers, many of whom are still on my blogroll!  The class was a transformational time for me, because it opened up my eyes to the inspirational world of blogging, which has let me have fun and express myself in ways I had forgotten I could. Black Belt Mama made for an incredible guide and teacher, because in my opinion, she has one of the most enjoyable blogs in the webiverse.  Please drop by and check out her site if you get a chance…but wait till you have a few minutes, because her blog will draw you in and pull you deep into the archives before you will be able to click away. 

That online blog writing course, however, is getting a new name, and a facelift, and is sporting a new free introductory blogging course in addition to the full subscription-based course that I took.  I highly recommend either to anyone who wants to start a blog or build a better one that will draw in readers.  I’ve agreed to contribute to the new blog promoting the course, and I hope you’ll stop by and check out the latest addition to my blogging resume. Who knew that I, the gal that barely knew anything about blogs six months ago, would now be blogging about blogging??!! 

Hey, I’ll use any excuse to stay tethered to my laptop a few more minutes…

Waivers Are Making Me Waver

Do waivers make you nervous?  I had no idea I had a phobia of waivers until this week, when I’ve had to sign a BUNCH of them for H-T’s manatee trip.  Yep, this is the big week, and obviously that means time to sign away H-T’s life so that no one gets ((((shudder)))) sued or something.  They need waivers for his travel, waivers for his scuba dives, waivers for his snorkeling, waivers for his medical treatment, and back-up waivers just in case the first set didn’t cover something like a dolphin randomly jumping into his speedboat, knocking him from his seat and against the cup holder, giving him a concussion and a permanent beer-can-shaped ring on his forehead. 

As if I weren’t nervous enough sending my 12 year old off on a trip 11 hours away, with people I barely know….let’s throw in some legal waivers which detail every possible scenario H-T might encounter during his first adventure away from home!! Here is an actual paragraph from one of the waivers they sent me today:

“Hypoxia, hypothermia and drowning are also a danger when diving.  Hyperbaric injuries require treatment in a recompression chamber. Diving trips for fun, training and/or certification may be conducted at locations remote from a recompression chamber facility. It could take long time to reach a chamber facility, and I still choose to proceed with my diving activities.”

I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure that, as I mom, I have cause to panic if I don’t even understand the injury OR the treatment my darling son is subject to.  And checking the box in front of this statement just makes me feel neglectful.  It’s like they want you to chicken out, and refuse to put your child through the unspeakable torture of that LONG drive to the recompression chamber thingy. 

I’ve had a hundred second thoughts as I’ve read through these legal papers this week.  I can’t believe I was dumb enough to ever agree to this.  H-T is scheduled to leave on Thursday, and I would almost rather brave his disappointment than risk getting him “recompressed.”  I keep getting visual images of them poking holes in him like a balloon and rolling him up from the bottom to make sure they get all the air out.

I’m gonna need lots of good thoughts and prayers this week, friends, if I’m going to push through my fears and actually go through with this exercise in parental torment.   I’m thinking of having them sign a waiver that says if I have to sign one more waiver, they are going to have to monetarily compensate me for all anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications I consume during the full time period of the trip. 

They may make very little profit on this excursion.

Streaming Video Slugs

So you may or may not have heard of Hulu, but if you haven’t, please feel free to come over and have H-T give you a masters course.  Hulu takes the available online television and movie content and puts in all in one easy-to-veg-out-for-eternity location.  And H-T is pretty certain it was created with him in mind.  Besides having lots of Simpsons episodes (his current guilty pleasure), Hulu has let him discover “quality” programming he never even knew existed.  Where else could he have found old episodes of the A-Team, The Incredible Hulk, and Battlestar Galactica, and chanced upon classic movies like Planet of the Apes and The People That Time Forgot – – all in one place??  They can’t call you a couch potato if you are actually in a computer chair, can they?  So what is the new term for people glued to their internet on-demand programming??  Streaming Video Slugs??

H-T has lost all interest in our satellite television programming.  I mean who has the patience to wait for a show until some big-wig at a television studio in Anaheim decides to air it according to his whim?  Not H-T.  He wants customized programming on his schedule.  In other words, what he wants, when he wants it.  (I blame all those Beverly Hills 90210 reruns I watched while I was pregnant with him, and on bed rest.  I knew those narcissistic snots where no good for such impressionable fetal ears!)

When I was his age I had this little 13″ black and white set in my room, and I actually had to get up from the bed and turn a knob each time I wanted to change channels.  And at that time, we only got 3 – – plus PBS if I stretched the rabbit ears all the way out and wrapped aluminum foil on both ends (But who wants to go to all that trouble for another Benny Hill episode??!!)  H-T gets visibly shaken when I describe the barbaric scenarios of TV watching in the Pre-Cambrian era of my youth.

I’ve tried to explain to H-T that there are a few downsides of this new era of entertainment on demand. He will never ever know the sense of accomplishment that comes from peeing, pouring yourself a Dr. Pepper, feeding the cat, and finishing off a crossword puzzle all before the end of a commercial break.  He will miss out on that giddy butterfly feeling that comes over your stomach when you know that thisis the night you will finally find out whether Luke accepted Lorelai’s proposal.

Yep, H-T and his generation will never know some of the joys of doing TV “old style.”  What if everyone could have known who shot J.R. just by heading to the computer and clicking a mouse?  Would it have had the same “oomph?”  I just don’t think so. But what do I know….I’m just a couch potato.

Two Tickets to Vegas, Baby

Ok, so an important update on our free plane ticket conundrum……we’re goin’ to Vegas!!  Well, I should clear that up.  Two of us are going to Vegas.  The more we discussed our possible family vacation, the more Uber began to ponder the unfairness of little brother’s upcoming swimming with the manatees trip.  I mean, he has no interest in swimming with manatees (unless they happen to have swallowed a wi-fi transmitter), but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve his own vacation, he asserts.  And, easily guilt-ridden parents that we are, his reasoning began to sound pretty darn sensible. 

So where would a newly-14-year-old computer geek wanna go with his parent?  I suggested several options…how about Yosemite?  I figured he and his dad could have a male bonding experience among nature at its finest.  Uber tried to look enthusiastic, but I could see his techie little heart quivering at the thought of being so wholly disconnected from all things electronic.  Other options came up, such as visiting Seattle (who knew Microsoft hasn’t created a theme park yet – – Bummer!).  We tossed around the idea of heading to a video game convention, but unfortunately they are all located in places like Nowheresville, Indiana this year.  Double bummer.  So we looked through our trusty 10-year-old family travel guide, and came to the page about Las Vegas.  I could almost swear I saw double cherries come up in both eyes as Uber read the descriptions of the lights, sounds, and non-stop technotronics of the Vegas Strip.   

“What do they mean ‘The Fun Never Stops’?”  You mean you get to stay up all night and gamble and watch live shows??!!”  Well—yes–technically.  “Oh, Dad, isn’t this gonna be cool??!!”  I saw my very intelligent husband looking to me for guidance.  Was I actually going to let him take my 14-year-old impressionable homeschooled son to Sin City for a man’s dream-vacation-come-true?  Not for all the chest hair on Wayne Newton. 

So, Uber and I are taking our first ever trip to Vegas sometime this fall.  It will be a blast, I’m sure, although perhaps not quite as scintillating as the trip he pictured with his dad.  After all, my idea of gambling is sinking $5.00 at the VFW on Bingo Ladies Night. But, I have ordered the kids guide to Vegas, and have been checking out family friendly Vegas spots on the web.  There is actually a video game mega-arcade in Vegas that was designed by Steven Spielberg and the Dreamworks folks.  I’m hoping we are able to hit this high-spot toward the end of our vacation, or else we might not ever see a single other neon inch of the city.   

I will drag Uber to a show or two, of course, because I am girlie like that, but I will try to make it up to him by ensuring that at least one of them features either scantily clad gals or dancing Wii remotes.  Whoa–wouldn’t I be mom of the year if I could find a scantily clad gal dancing with a Wii remote??!! And if the saying is true that “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”, then we might even sneak in a tug on a slot machine handle.  But I guarantee that this will be a trip to remember.  I mean how many guys get to look back and remember their incredible teenage Las Vegas trip with their mothers??  Well, I mean those guys that aren’t currently in therapy, of course. 

p.s.  Anybody have any Vegas tips for us newbies??  Please share them below!!